Mustela in words
Thursday 30 April 2009
Crappy day
I feel like shit today. Woke up at 7 this morning with really bad stomach cramps (girl pains urgh) got up to try and find some painkillers, couldn't find any. Went back to bed to try and get some more sleep. They hurt so bad it took me forever to get back to sleep, but thankfully I managed.
Woke up a few times again found my necklace caught on something choking me in my sleep. Managed to unhook it, and got up. This morning was ok, aside from having no bread left and the milk being out of date. Was going to go Geo-caching with Matt, Tash and Stace today, but it's raining so we havent bothered. Probably a good job anyway, right now I feel ike complete crap, the more the day goes on the worse I feel. I feel really heavy-headed and nauseous, dizzy. I have a sore throat, girl pains and my ears cant handle noise at the moment. Dunno what's up with me. I think i'll go back to bed for a while, see if I feel any better later :(
Woke up a few times again found my necklace caught on something choking me in my sleep. Managed to unhook it, and got up. This morning was ok, aside from having no bread left and the milk being out of date. Was going to go Geo-caching with Matt, Tash and Stace today, but it's raining so we havent bothered. Probably a good job anyway, right now I feel ike complete crap, the more the day goes on the worse I feel. I feel really heavy-headed and nauseous, dizzy. I have a sore throat, girl pains and my ears cant handle noise at the moment. Dunno what's up with me. I think i'll go back to bed for a while, see if I feel any better later :(
Sunday 26 April 2009
In dreams....
Having some strange dreams lately, and I'm not quite sure what they mean.
Earlier this week I dreamt that a crow/raven came to me. The crow was badly injured, very
Earlier this week I dreamt that a crow/raven came to me. The crow was badly injured, very
badly injured. It's feathers were torn out, it was skeletal and bleeding. It came to me for protection against something. I took the crow in and cared for it, nursed it back to health. I found it strange because I could sense this overwhelming feeling of dependance from the crow. It needed me, and without me it wouldn't survive. It trusted me, and it chose to come to me. I don't know why.
Last night I had a similar dream involving a canary. The canary wasn't injured, but it was caged. Something drew me to the bird, I went over and spoke with it. The canary asked me to take him with me, and look after him. This cage was in some kind of shop so I was wary of opening it, incase the bird flew away, but I did, and the canary perched itself on my hand, and then on my shoulder. He began to nuzzle my face with his head, and begged me to take him home with me.
I had the same overwhelming feeling again, that the bird needed me, and I couldn't refuse it.
Strange dreams and strong feelings. I just don't know what they mean.
E
Last night I had a similar dream involving a canary. The canary wasn't injured, but it was caged. Something drew me to the bird, I went over and spoke with it. The canary asked me to take him with me, and look after him. This cage was in some kind of shop so I was wary of opening it, incase the bird flew away, but I did, and the canary perched itself on my hand, and then on my shoulder. He began to nuzzle my face with his head, and begged me to take him home with me.
I had the same overwhelming feeling again, that the bird needed me, and I couldn't refuse it.
Strange dreams and strong feelings. I just don't know what they mean.
E
Model Madness
Do not tell me that I'm beautiful,
As your words seem shallow to me.
Although I know, what the mirror shows,
Is not what others see.
How can I believe a word you speak?
If my perception is so bruised.
Torn by voices in my head,
Denial and refuse.
I'm not that pretty pale-skinned girl,
That you try to convince me I am.
I'm nothing but a useless failure,
So ugly, it's a scam.
The biggest scam there ever was.
and yet you still believe,
I'm something special, something good,
More madness yet to weave...
I can't control the way I think,
and even if I could..
I refuse to let my sanity,
Rule over as it should.
Wednesday 8 April 2009
Sleeps and Owchies!
It's Wednesday today. Last night I spent some time with my best friend Tashy, we had a bbq (or attempted to have a bbq) at the house she is looking after. This was an epixfail due to copious amounts of rain, but fun non-the-less!
Left relatively early and came home, drank abit more and spent the evening chatting with friends and playing some WoW. Had the intention of getting up and following my new daily regime of running in the morning, alarm went as usual... went to get out of bed and OOOOOOOOOW... not a chance! Managed to pull all the muscles in my legs from my run yesterday I guess. I suppose I should stretch and warm up and all that other stuff that actually, you don't think of doing before you are in PAIN!
Today has been pleasent. (If I don't think about the difficult Im having walking, and tackling stairways especially)..
Finally got my arse out of bed and remembered I had a driving lesson booked for 1. Had good fun there, Im getting more confident I think, although I did manage to stall today (first stall ever though!)... Im finding I dont have to stare at the gearstick to figure out where the fuck Im meant to be putting it, and finding it slightly less confusing to pull away from junctions and tackle roundabouts. I still think it will be a while before Im "independant".
Apparently for my lesson on Monday I'll be attempting a 3-point-turn. Im told this manouver is particularly useless, but for some reason I have to spend £21 spending an hour learning it! - *sigh*
Getting abit sleepy now, I think I'll hit the hay soon, after watching Lost. Heres hoping my legs feel better in the morning, I'd like to go for a run. Doubtful though, so may have to skip that, especially as I'll be on my feet all day for M-fest on Friday!
Nighty night :)
Rorz
Left relatively early and came home, drank abit more and spent the evening chatting with friends and playing some WoW. Had the intention of getting up and following my new daily regime of running in the morning, alarm went as usual... went to get out of bed and OOOOOOOOOW... not a chance! Managed to pull all the muscles in my legs from my run yesterday I guess. I suppose I should stretch and warm up and all that other stuff that actually, you don't think of doing before you are in PAIN!
Today has been pleasent. (If I don't think about the difficult Im having walking, and tackling stairways especially)..
Finally got my arse out of bed and remembered I had a driving lesson booked for 1. Had good fun there, Im getting more confident I think, although I did manage to stall today (first stall ever though!)... Im finding I dont have to stare at the gearstick to figure out where the fuck Im meant to be putting it, and finding it slightly less confusing to pull away from junctions and tackle roundabouts. I still think it will be a while before Im "independant".
Apparently for my lesson on Monday I'll be attempting a 3-point-turn. Im told this manouver is particularly useless, but for some reason I have to spend £21 spending an hour learning it! - *sigh*
Getting abit sleepy now, I think I'll hit the hay soon, after watching Lost. Heres hoping my legs feel better in the morning, I'd like to go for a run. Doubtful though, so may have to skip that, especially as I'll be on my feet all day for M-fest on Friday!
Nighty night :)
Rorz
Tuesday 7 April 2009
Let's start at the very begining.....
So I decided to start keeping a blog. I tried to do this a year ago (to the very month infact) but didn't keep up with it. Im trying particularly hard at the moment to sort my life out, become healthier, fitter, and spend time doing things that benefit and make a difference to my physical and mental well-being.
It's been a long long time since I did any exercise... I used to run, regularly, but since my running days I have replaced the outdoors, fresh-air, and tracksuit with gaming, slobbing, smoking and drinking. - Not ideal.
So, I've had a good amount of years sitting on my arse, smoking and drinking my life away, spending countless hours on video games wishing I was as thin, fit and agile as my avatar. Time to try and shape things up. I had my last ciggie on Sunday evening. It is now Tuesday afternoon. I cant pretend that I'm not absolutely gasping for a nice big dose of nicotine and to fill my lungs with smoke, cause I am. - Up until now I've been fine, not craving too badly and getting on with things. This afternoon it has hit me, I am in an absolutely foul mood. Im irritable, snappy, angry. I want to get out of the house and do something, I want a beer and a cigerette and I want them NOW! Arrrgh!!!!!
Yesterday morning I had my first early morning jog (in approximately 9 years).. jeeze 9 years can really make you unhealthy. Felt nauseated and dizzy, had to stop a fair few times to catch my breath and the cold air hurt my chest. But I was glad to have done it. This morning I went out again and took the same route. Already after just one day off the ciggies I can feel a significant difference. I was less breathless, the cold air in my lungs was not giving me chest pains, and felt I had more stamina and was able to do the same route in half the time, with half the stops. - Yay!
Im hoping it will keep getting easier, who knows maybe I'll even extend the route abit - We'll see.
So anyway, got some new trainers and running clothes today, as my feet are killing me from using the shoes I have been wearing (not suitable running shoes)... Im half tempted to go out and have another little jog now... but it's like... mid-afternoon, people will see me! omg!
Anyhow, pretty hungry, lunch time I guess :)
Emily
It's been a long long time since I did any exercise... I used to run, regularly, but since my running days I have replaced the outdoors, fresh-air, and tracksuit with gaming, slobbing, smoking and drinking. - Not ideal.
So, I've had a good amount of years sitting on my arse, smoking and drinking my life away, spending countless hours on video games wishing I was as thin, fit and agile as my avatar. Time to try and shape things up. I had my last ciggie on Sunday evening. It is now Tuesday afternoon. I cant pretend that I'm not absolutely gasping for a nice big dose of nicotine and to fill my lungs with smoke, cause I am. - Up until now I've been fine, not craving too badly and getting on with things. This afternoon it has hit me, I am in an absolutely foul mood. Im irritable, snappy, angry. I want to get out of the house and do something, I want a beer and a cigerette and I want them NOW! Arrrgh!!!!!
Yesterday morning I had my first early morning jog (in approximately 9 years).. jeeze 9 years can really make you unhealthy. Felt nauseated and dizzy, had to stop a fair few times to catch my breath and the cold air hurt my chest. But I was glad to have done it. This morning I went out again and took the same route. Already after just one day off the ciggies I can feel a significant difference. I was less breathless, the cold air in my lungs was not giving me chest pains, and felt I had more stamina and was able to do the same route in half the time, with half the stops. - Yay!
Im hoping it will keep getting easier, who knows maybe I'll even extend the route abit - We'll see.
So anyway, got some new trainers and running clothes today, as my feet are killing me from using the shoes I have been wearing (not suitable running shoes)... Im half tempted to go out and have another little jog now... but it's like... mid-afternoon, people will see me! omg!
Anyhow, pretty hungry, lunch time I guess :)
Emily
